UPDATE: The testimony continues (it's currently 7 pm EST)...Blankfein remains in the hot seat.
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Video: Watch the Goldman Flogging LIVE...
Boy, Fabrice's got a helluva mug. The guy just radiates arrogance -- or perhaps, his face mimicks his tightly puckered arse. So grab some popcorn and your gun.
Attention federal prosecutors: that was a joke.
Will be adding links all day for this story. For now we have Bess Levin's live blog, the showdown clip from Kingpin (Bill Murray, Woody Harrleson) and a new-look photo from the ladies at Code Pink who are in attendance and protesting. It's not quite prison orange, but it works.
Testimony schedule and prepared statements are now linked inside.
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From this morning:
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Lloyd Blankfein -- Prepared Statement
Prepared Statements from Tourre, Viniar, Josh Birnbaum, (and others)
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Dealbreaker and Bess Levin are running an amusing live-blog of the spectacle. Here's a taste of Bess' innate insanity:
* 9:45: Fifteen minutes to go. Disappointingly, His Fantabulousness and Lloyd Blankfein are on separate panels, meaning no opportunity for potential backhands to the face. No matter. There’s gonna be a showdown. So while we wait:
[I have it on good authority that Lloyd and Lucas have rehearsed the above moves and will be performing them at intermission.]
* 9:57: The Pink Ladies have traded in their standard uniforms for prison garb.
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* 10:03: Carl Levin (NO RELATION) is telling us why we’re here. Goldman Sachs took advantage of its clients, yada, yada, yada.
* 10:04: That’s right, cameraman, focus on The Fab (who’s grown his hair a little longer and is looking kind of hot).
* 10:09: Carl: “Goldman Sachs treats clients like objects (of profit).” Jackie Treehorn, a former prop trader, was the first to pioneer this model at the firm.
* 10:16: Goldman made money off its shorts. Dun Dun Dun.
* 10:26: Apparently Goldman didn’t just hurt its clients, it hurt everyone in the world. Take a moment right now to show us on the doll where Goldman touched you.
* 10:28: Going to interrupt Carl for a moment to announce that Melissa Francis gave birth last night to her second son (with husband Wray). The kid’s name is Greyson Alexander Thorn. May he grow up to be a Goldman banker.
* 10:32: Senator Susan Collins: I’m very discreet…but I will haunt your dreams.
* 10:38: According to Suzy, we’re not here to celebrate the fact that Goldman Sachs made some money during the crisis. Which means I’ve made a terrible mistake. Reader poll: cancel the stripper cake, even though she’s already inside? Or just say fuck it? Why should this lady get to say what’s what?
* 10:40: Senator Claire McCaskill is just going to throw words out there, arrange them in any way you like, does: bets, odds, bookies, tranches, waterfalls, golden showers, clown-facing, pit bosses, Las Vegas, street gamblers, KGB.
* 10:44: SENATOR MARK PRYOR: “I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING ON WALL STREET.”
* 10:47: Daniel Sparks, former mortgages department head and PMD: He only meant to stay at Goldman for two years. But he couldn’t let it go. There was something about Goldman he couldn’t shake. Something…special.
* 10:51: Josh Birnbaum, Former Managing Director, Structured Products Group Trading: Wharton grad. That is all.
* 10:56: Michael “Swenny” Swenson, Managing Director, Structured Products Group Trading: [guy behind left shoulder is just gonna play dead until the Model 5000 GS employee is finished]
* 11:02: Fabrice “Fab” Tourre: FINALLY. The only reason we’re here today. Reading of this statement. Unlike the Toyota hearings, no translator necessary. Won’t get good until he’s performing off the cuff but so far, I sense a ‘tude, and I like it. If he wants to make us really happy he’ll whip out a cigarette when he’s done and light up.
* 11:12: Before Carl finishes this little speech, is someone going to tell him that Sparks hasn’t found the email in the 938,918 binder he was supposed to be looking for yet?
* 11:13: WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THIS PLAN FOR SPARKS TO JUST NEVER FIND THE RIGHT PAGE IS A GENIUS. LOOKIN’ AT YOU LUCAS.
* 11:16: Sparks: Senator Levin, I literally have no idea what you’re talking about. No joke, no offense, I straight up have no idea what you’re saying.
* 11:17: Senator Levin: IF I POINT AND SAY THE PHRASE ‘HOW DO YOU GUYS GET COMFORTABLE WITH’ OVER AND OVER AGAIN MAYBE AT SOME POINT IT WILL MAKE SENSE [aid whispering in Levin's ear: "Sir, things are unraveling, it's getting away from us." Levin: "Shut it bitch."] HOW DO YOU GUYS GET COMFORTABLE [FINGER POINTS] GET COMFORTABLE [FINGER POINTS] GUYS [FINGER POINTS] COMFORTABLE?!?
* 11:24: This is how it’s going to be. Every five to six minutes, Carl’s going to pick a new phrase to shout over and over, in the form of a question that people will have no idea how to answer. First phrase was “how do you guys get comfortable with,” next up, “crap pools.” Crap pools. Crap pools. Crap pools.
Sparks: I don’t…
CL: Crap pools.
Sparks: Sir?
CL: Crap pools.
Sparks: Um…
CL: Crap pools.
Sparks : All I’m saying…
CL: Crap pools?
Sparks: Mr. Chairman I’m just…
CL: Crap pools?
Sparks: Sir?
CL: Crap pools!
Sparks: We…
CL: Crap pools!
Sparks: I’m sorry?
CL: Crap pools! Knock, knock.
Sparks: Who’s there?
CL: CRAP POOLS!
Sparks: Look…
CL: Crap pools! Let me tell you a little story about a man named Crap pools! Crap pools! Even before you start. That was a preemptive Crap pools. Just know I have a whole bag of ‘Crap pools’ with your name on it.
11:30: Phrase # 3: “Shitty deals”
11:33: Carl: Who’s Tom Montag? Who’s Dan Sparks? Who’s Lloyd Blankfein? Who’s Carl Levin? WHERE AM I?
Continue reading at Dealbreaker >>
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