WTF?!, No Seriously, WTF! - Bank Of America Holds Patent On 'Changing Your Emotions' During Customer Service Call

Systems For Inducing Change In A Human Physiological Characteristic

Patent Abstract

Systems and methods for inducing a change in a human physiological characteristic. The physiological characteristic may correspond to an emotional state of a dialogue participant. The dialogue participant may be an individual participating in a conversation. The outcome of the conversation may be related to a business objective, such as providing high quality call center services. A sensor may monitor the physiologic characteristic. A processor may relate the physiologic characteristic to an emotional state. The processor may provide feedback to the individual based on the emotional state. The feedback may be formulated to change the individual's emotional state.

• Read the Patent Application HERE

We wonder, do they also have patents on the following:

• Ken Lewis' genius decision to buy Countrywide and assume billions in liability.
• Having the worst customer service of any U.S. bank.
• Overpaying for Merrill Lynch.
• Robbing shareholders.
• Using Repo 105s to hide true balance sheet exposures.
• Foreclosing on homeowners in violation of 400-year-old contract law.
• Destroying lives.
• Losing the mortgage note.

We're certain there are more, but we'll leave it to readers to complete the rest of the BofA patent portfolio in comments.

Comments

[Cheyenne]

It's actually not an issued patent yet, just an application that was laid open 18 months after the 2/11/10 filing date.

The claims--which define the legal scope of the so-called "invention"--are absurdly broad.

Claim 1, for example, is completely anticipated by a scene out of A Clockwork Orange, the one where Alex is bound to a chair with his eyes forced open to watch scenes of the old ultraviolence. A second invalidating prior art reference is the scene in Blade Runner where Deckard gives Rachel a Voight-Kampff test.

The bigger question, though, is what IN THE HELL is a bankrupt bailout swine like BAC is doing blowing money on obtaining patents on human psychological experiments? Wouldn't that money have been better spent on remedial matters like, umm, I don't know, not committing fraud on the courts and the public? Or on not losing assloads of money at the track?

[Josie]

The Bilski case, handed down by the CAFC (Federal Circuit Appeals court which hears patent-related cases) and affirmed by the US Supremes last year (they "clarified" the test under Bilski), outlines the parameters for so-called business method patents. It was thought that Bilski would kill these patents (the majority of the CAFC hate them). It didn't. However, the validity of these patents as proper subject matter for patents took a huge hit with this case, IMO. BoA apparently has filed for a Bilski-like patent. If it made its way to the CAFC (as it's presently constituted) and assuming the PTO allows and issues the patent, it would be killed by Bilski.

[Cheyenne]

Thinking about this a little more, I suspect that BAC's angle here is to sidestep statutory limiits on banking and teller fees. How would BAC do this?

Let's say the statutory limit for charging customers for using a teller is $5. You get your statement and find that BAC charged you a $7 teller fee. What's BAC's defense? We charged a $5 fee and a $2 royalty for using our patent. (As if BAC customers aren't pissed off enough already.)

Don't put it past the criminal enterprise otherwise known as B of A to try pulling a stunt like this. Among other things, BAC has foreclosed on homeowners who didn't even have a mortgage (paid cash), and, when foreclosed on themselves, simply ignored the judge's order.

[Cheyenne]

Do you really need 6 co-inventors to come up with a golf ball? Bank of America did:

http://www.pat2pdf.org/patents/pat6482109.pdf

That's just one of about 150 patents BAC has gotten.

http://patft.uspto.gov/netacgi/nph-Parser?Sect1=PTO2&Sect2=HITOFF&u=%2Fnetahtml%2FPTO%2Fsearch-adv.htm&r=0&p=1&f=S&l=50&Query=an%2F%28bank+and+america%29&d=PTXT

[TR]

They've changed my emotions.

I hope they lose everything & BURN in HELL. F'EM

[S. Gompers]

That explains it all... BOA is a phone sex operator.

[Al]

Talk about ironies, on one tab I'm filling out a post bankruptcy "required" course online to fulfill the Court's requirement and wrap up my personal BK. One of the sections required ( timed) is about Budgeting, and discretionary spending, since I read a little faster than the courser's timed section requires, I'm now reading and responding to the BoA patent pending....OMG!
If I could reach through my computer screen I would choke Ken Lewis. I'm 64, had a career in the commercial real estate industry for almost 30 years, I'm broke, lost my home(s) all my investments in land, gone, I'm renting and two days ago I was cleaning up some landscaping for $40. I'm so alienated, I sense people look through me. Wall Street coupled with BoA destroyed my life, s strong statement, maybe, but maybe not for the eight individuals here in Las Vegas, all in the real estate development business who ended their lives since 2008. Where Are The Indictments?

[TR]

@Al Hope things get better for you.

The BIG CLUBS response to us PEONS: "GO TO HELL"

[TR]

This medical office would do great in D.C.& WALL STREET. Most are insane & A-HOLES to boot?

http://mistupid.com/jokes/page131.htm

[bob]

lets call boa and see how good it works :)

[Texas Dar]

That explains it all... BOA is a phone sex operator.

At least then they could talk dirty to us........

[Canuck]

@ S.Gompers

That's funny because the yellow pages listng for my bank led to a phone sex line. Cue sultry voice: "If you're a man press 1, if you're a woman press 2" I told my bank about it but when I tried the number again the same voice, same message ROFL!

[S. Gompers]

@ Canuck,

LOL, that is why they are trying to patent it, in order to corner the market as a banking "service" since they cannot make honest money...

[GhanZ]

At number 0027 it sais: and within the reference index a very high hand temperature is associated with extreme relaxation, the respondent is likely daydreaming.

Wtf? extreme relaxation= daydreaming?? I thought it meant you were calm and aware.. By this anyone who is calm would be considered daydreaming while in fact that might be the best state to debate in and get your point across.. (have you ever called anyone while daydreaming?? especially a helpdesk??) Wordmagic... Never seizes to amaze me what and how words get manipulated and pushed in a different framework of meaning.

[R1USA]

So if in the course of a telemarketing call, where it is assumed the recipient of said call MUST agree to purchase, as the script being read by the marketer has been shown to "induce a productive emotional state" (AKA brainwashing, or hypnotizing), should the recipient prove resistant (says NO or hangs up~!) to the marketing tactic, a fee could be assessed for all non-sales claimed by "emotion"! In addition, all employees must be monitored by electronic means to ensure they to the company line, mind, body and soul. All dissension, even in thought could be brought to bear against the employee and used in salary negotiation or termination regardless of actual sales performance.
B of A, now Bank of Big Brother

[Mark]

As an old geezer, I miss the old traditions. After Fukushima I expected the Japanese nuclear power plant owners and regulators to honorably fall on their swords, but they didn't. I still think the US captains of industry should go down with their ships, but they don't. The old ways were the best.

[Dr. Pitchfork]

Call me a young geezer, but I feel the same way, Mark. Not a single person responsible for the financial crisis -- neither regulator nor bank executive -- has even admitted fucking up. If Ben Bernanke or Tim Geithner were real men (they're not) they would have resigned in SHAME years ago. Instead, they've been lying and trying to cover up their mistakes ever since. Hell, Geithner is so stupid he seems to actually believe his own BS.

[Texas Dar]

He cant wait till mornning so he can look at him self in the mirror wile shaving. To bad he dont get a real Nasty Cut.......?